my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
