u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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