is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
