i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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