I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What a dumb baby whore.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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