i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.