Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.