So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again