I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
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Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
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lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs