What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
now i know why i became what i already was.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth