He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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