my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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