so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
