Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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