You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
