she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Im part way to drunk.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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