Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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