Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
