her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
