We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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