So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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