she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
