Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
