Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
