hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.