This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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