Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
a search helicopter?!
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
