I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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