I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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