I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
