it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
