to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just found a bag of teeth...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
