Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
