I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
