the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
