new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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