This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
