How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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