I've blown a few things in my day
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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