We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
