im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
