i just wanna soil my oats bro
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
