You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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