It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
