My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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