I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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