I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
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WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
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Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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