Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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