I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
