oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
