Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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