Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
