Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
