my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
