I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
