My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
