Moan for me like Helen Keller
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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