I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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