dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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