I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
