I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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