remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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