I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
