He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We named our party play list daddy issues
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
